Friday, July 23, 2010

the thing

so i write and things - and i am not sure why i write and things, but what i am sure of is that i do not write to make sense - but i do write and enjoy others reading (what i write) - sometimes i think i don't, but i do. the thing is though, that i do not get the message through. what i write is confusing, not because i am the holy one or anything - but because i intend to confuse. my high comes from the trinketing of lingual whatevers to get a certain imagery through, that tends to sensual descriptions as opposed to any narrative or informative relevance. as i am editing Fetish Systems now, it hurts a bit, because it is a chunk of things - a chunk i am putting out there in riddles and quizzes with no clues, for no one to guess - it just stays there, for no one, not even me - for the things i do not want to know, or pretend to..not know - uncensored things, supercensored things and all of the above and all of the below - and more things to express things that i cannot find words for - disassociating myself from things that do have words, because i think words kill things - and i..i kill words, slowly - and not even surely. i am not sure why i do this, you see - if i am hiding, i lost my voyeur..and if i am playing, i have become alone. i feel like writing something that no one would dare call experimental for a while. i think this would be my next thing..maybe after that - ill go back to playing alone - it depends, i think - on who i pick along..who wants to stay and who leaves - and my head..and other things, things that depend on other things, and addictions to labyrinths, in shitloads.
so now i hate Fetish Systems, but i still love you - a lot, and i think it's fine, because it's..just fine - and roads and yellow's just fine - really. and that i am happy. i am sort of, close to happy, and it is happening, blue, remember blue? it's happening. i hope you don't read it - secretly i want you to, but in general - i hope you don't, because i don't want to know what you think of it. somehow, i want you to forget things i don't forget, and it would be all fine - because..evolution, you know?
and because i hate it, now i really do - because it knows a lot of things, things i don't know - things you don't know - but whatever. things happen. lines happen, and when they intersect, other things happen.