Monday, May 12, 2008

note to self # ____________

it just hit me.

i was talking to jana, scheduling a vernacular garden hunt in beirut, and scheduling a time for that matter..when she said, "yalla bas la tokhals el 7arb mama (just like when i was little-old war)"

im not equipped.

i am building my war vocabulary along the way,
i am placing adhoc reactions wherever and whenever they seem to fit, formally.
how are you? -depressed
what are you doing? -nothing

its normal to say so, to react so, but i dont know what this is. it is being glued to the news, in all its forms; it is hunting quotes and anecdotes and personal pictures, and believing them. it is the subjective weaving of pseudo-facts.

i know i am not objective anymore, but should i be? there seems to be this point where reality is no more the issue. there are no news. there is no one point of view. so let it be mine. mine.MYN

im looking out of my window, i see her this jewish/sunni/shi3a/druze/christian/athiest(god forbid) woman, relaxed, like these is nothing around. she is under the impression, Jeanne d'Arc is still part of her reality. she thinx that it is okay to lean back and puff the heck out of flaming friend. my rifle is next to me, my plastic rifle. olmert/hariri/hassan/jumblat/aoun/the devil (god forbid) has given me enough ammo to bake her alive from here.

i wish she had a hijab.

it might have added glam to her cross necklace, which now sets the rules of the game straight as she took her clothes of. i have to kill her, she has buddhist hair. they did not warn me. they told me to bake "the other".

is she one of them? but..but,

she is so comfortable in her street. as if it was her area, but maybe it some point in time.

taking her clothes off, on the sidewalk, and ordering a man2oushe' and 3iran. she knows the secrets of life. i think she deserves to die though.. her cross doesnt look like mine.

how are you? -depressed

what are you doing? ...

jerking off?

on the ground, like in the movies ...and red / damping her dry buddhist nicotine machine

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